When “Gentle Parenting” Turns Into Something Else: A Story About Structure, Connection, and Course-Correction

A mom I recently worked with shared something that I think will resonate with a lot of parents.

She said, “I did gentle parenting for years… or so I thought.”

There is more to gentle parenting

She told me how she validated every emotion, processed every feeling, explained every boundary, compromised often, and avoided harsh punishments. She was doing everything she believed would create an emotionally intelligent, confident child.

But as her kids got older, she started noticing something unexpected.

One child became an overthinker: anxious about every little choice, constantly needing reassurance, and afraid to make a wrong move. The other grew entitled, believing every rule was up for debate. Every request turned into a negotiation, and even small routines, brushing teeth, getting dressed, and starting homework, could spiral into full-blown meltdowns.

Eventually, she realized that the emotional processing had taken over their lives. What started as trying to be calm and understanding had become exhausting. Every plan derailed by another meltdown, every day spent trying to talk her kids through things instead of moving forward together.

Through some tears, she realized she hadn’t actually been practicing gentle parenting- she’d slipped into permissive parenting. She looked up and said, “I tried so hard to do everything right.”

I see this all the time.

Many loving, intentional parents make the mistake of confusing validation with over-processing and flexibility with inconsistency.

She had high warmth but low structure. And that combination… though loving, can leave children feeling anxious and unsure of where the limits are. Gentle parenting was never meant to mean “no boundaries.” It’s meant to combine empathy with structure, validation with limits, and kindness with consistency.

Structure is important.

When this mom began shifting towards maintaining warmth and connection, but pairing it with clear rules, predictable routines, and consistent follow-through, things started to change.

Her children became calmer, more confident, and better able to handle frustration. They didn’t stop having big feelings (that’s never the goal), but they learned how to navigate them.

This is what research has shown again and again: Kids do best when parents are both warm and structured.
They feel safest when they know you’ll listen and that you’ll hold the line when needed.

If you’ve been feeling like gentle parenting “isn’t working,” it might not mean you’re doing it wrong; it might just mean it’s time to rebalance.

Love and structure are not opposites. They’re partners. And when they work together, they create the safety and confidence children need to thrive.

If you’re curious about how to bring more structure without losing warmth, or you’d like guidance on creating a calmer, more confident home, I’d love to help.

You can learn more about parent consultation and child therapy at Wellbunch Psychology, or reach out directly. We’ll figure out what support fits best for your family.